oh, i forgot to tell you. last night darkpony and i ordered a pizza for delivery from this brick oven place in our neighborhood. well, we open the box, and the pizza is covered in lettuce and some parmesan cheese. it's like someone at the restaurant spilled a salad on top of our pizza but didn't notice when they were closing the box. super bizarro. anyway, we just picked all of the lettuce off and ate the pizza. it still tasted good. maybe, the restaurant has discovered that putting lettuce on top of a pizza for delivery prevents the cheese from sliding all over the place on the bike ride over. soon enough it will be the pizza delivery rage. at least that's what i'm going to think.
has anyone else noticed that no one seems to be following traffic rules anymore in nyc? cars are constantly turning right on red and blocking intersections, making it almost impossible to cross the street with the walk sign. i feel like it has been really out of control lately, and i'm super fed up with it. plus, there is never a cop in sight because they are all protecting us in the subway. yeah, right. note to mayor bloomberg: i'm pretty sure that the nypd will be unable to prevent a terror attack in the subways by standing around and joking with ten other cops, so can you have them patrolling busy intersections instead. it's pure anarchy out there. you're a business guy, so think of all the money the city will make from traffic tickets and giving people points for being in the box or whatever that's about. i've got road rage, and i don't even drive in this city. sheesh.
to prevent andie macdowell from ever getting an acting gig again. it's been raining for three days straight here in nyc, which often makes me think of the final scene from the movie, four weddings and a funeral:
(andie and hugh are standing in the middle of the road in a downpour) andie: "is it raining? i did not even notice."
i doubt andie was given this direction, but you never know: now andie, this is the most romantic scene in the movie, so you have to deliver your lines like the soulless robot you are."
even darkpony said it was good, and he never thinks my jokes are any good.
question: what do you call a manservant who gets made fun of?
answer: the butt-ler of the joke.
hee hee hee hoo hoo hoo haa haa haa. oh, that is a good one. does laffy taffy still put jokes on the wrappers because i think this would be a perfect fit.
one of these little scrub jays sat on my head when we were in florida. they like to be fed peanuts, so i thought he would only grab it from my hand and fly away. instead, he sat on my head for a minute. it felt kind of weird, and i'm glad he didn't take a d in my hair. now, i wish that i had a scrub jay on my head at all times. the florida scrub jay is a threatened animal. go scrub jay!
so, i was checking my blog stats and saw that someone linked to striped and skinny with this google search: do coal miners have good stomach muscles? well, besides being a very good question, i wondered why this question would bring up my blog. here's what comes up in google under striped and skinny regarding this topic: seriously, i have received not one but two damaged dvds of coal miner's ... which leads me to ask this question: should my stomach muscles be sore as a ...
and it is gilbert gottfried. i mean if you are going to pick on a comedian who hasn't been popular since the '80s, then i would have to say that yakov smirnoff takes the cake. are you with me?
i found some transcription errors in the recent quotes from george w. bush and have taken it upon myself to correct them here (in red):
"I listen to all voices [in my head], but mine is the final decision," he said. "And Don Rumsfeld is doing a fine job. He's not only transforming the military, he's fighting a war on terror. He's helping us fight a war on terror. I have strong confidence in Don Rumsfeld. "I hear the voices [did I already mention that they are in my head?], and I read the front page, and I know the speculation. But I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense."
i just read that the author, muriel spark, died. last year, i read some of her older novels and also her most recent novel and really enjoyed them. unfortunately, because of her death, i was reminded that i would like to get my hands on all that she has written. check her out. i promise that it's good stuff.
who's going to live in all of these crap buildings?
i think i must have sounded like a broken record asking that question this past weekend? i spent much time walking around my own neighborhood of long island city and williamsburg and was stunned by the number of abominations aka luxury condos/rentals that are in the works. then, i read this article in the new york times that explained why there are so many of these nasty buildings being built. thanks to the giuliani administration, architects and engineers can approve their own building plans as long as they abide by the proper zoning and building codes:
Known as the professional certification program, the honor system was instituted under the Giuliani administration and was meant to trim costs by cutting the workload for the city's plan examiners. It was also intended to eliminate obstacles to building in a city where, at the time, construction projects could be delayed for months while builders waited for plans to be approved. By participating in the professional certification program, architects guarantee to the city that their plans meet zoning and building codes. But the city has experienced a tremendous boom in new construction in the last several years, and officials have begun to worry that the honor system leaves too much room for architects and developers to run roughshod over zoning rules and safety regulations.
oh, you think? no wonder there is so much crap going up in the city, especially in brooklyn and queens. everyone who owns a piece of land thinks that they are going to make a ton of money, but i think that this is all going to backfire real soon. we'll see. also, this message goes out to frank gehry. your buildings suck, too. i'm tired of them, and the one that is going up on the west side is a nightmare with all of those bent columns. sheesh.
so, when i was way young, my neighbors (two sisters) and i would pretend like we were in singing groups popular at the time, especially groups that consisted of three women. we usually pretended to be the pointer sisters or the mandrell sisters. now, i feel bad because none of us ever wanted to be june pointer because of her crazy buck teeth. kids can be so cruel, can't they?
despite being cancelled by cbs, love monkey has been picked up by vh1. this might mean that i will have to cave in and get cable. as you all know, i was a little obsessed with that show. note to vh1: don't let the guy from ed wear any hats or knight's armor and please clear up the storyline about the "gay" friend. is he out or not?
who can spend ten days in sunny 85 degree weather and not get a tan? me!that's right. i figured that since i f'd my skin up with sun damage during the first twenty years of my life, that i need to salvage what i can. thanks mom, for being on top of the sunscreen situation when i was kid. actually, i can't blame her. things were different in the '70s and '80s. there was no such thing as sunscreen, seatbelts, or bike helmets. oh, the good old days, and i'm still alive to tell about it.
so, darkpony and i are hanging at the venice public library. i only have 24 minutes remaining to use the internet. it's the final countdown, and it is making me quite nervous. not much happening except for fun in the sun. we have bikes and have been cruising around on them. darkpony's arms are as red as lobsters. i told him to put sunscreen on but...
my work affair down here is over. thank goodness. i think i may have closed down the hospitality suite every night, which is never a good thing for one's reputation. oh well. at least there are no personal scandales to report. i did smoke way too many cigarettes. i do think i might enjoy capri lights. they are so skinny, yet so sophisticated.
what else? i have no clue what is happening in the world. i guess that's what happens in florida, and why people think that george bush is the best. could there be anymore suvs? i don't think so.
okay, i have 17 minutes left on the internet. see you soon!
