oh no you did not, miss heather!

so, you know how when you are making fun of yourself, and it's fine, but then someone else joins in, and it's not so cool? well, the same goes for my neighborhood, long island city, because i live there, but it's not so cool for this chick.

firstly, i'm so gonna go there. her name is heather. do i need to say more? i think not.

secondly, i've lived in greenpoint where miss heather resides, and now, i am laughing. hysterically. i think that miss heather mentions something on her about page that she lives near franklin street. oh, i remember the days when there were no restaurants, bars, coffee shops, galleries, or clothing boutiques on franklin street, all of five years ago.

thirdly, miss heather is married which makes her mrs. heather.

fourthly, let me answer the questions she asks about lic. she's a curious one, this mrs. heather.
but where are the cheap digs? not sure what "digs" are, but if she means cheap housing, i'm not sharing.

liquor stores? vernon jackson has a liquor store and two wine stores

bars, and other facilitators of vice my artistic brethren crave? you and your "artistic brethren" who take pictures of dog pooh and blog about it are clearly unaware of the numerous strip joints: river cafe (formerly go-go bar), scandals, runway 69, goldfingers extreme, bubbles lounge, the adult video store right by the third stop of the 7 train...

Unlike Williamsburg (which had real struggling artists in residence not too long ago), LIC appears to have made the quantum leap from being an industrial wasteland to the playground for the artsy fartsy elite. ummm, not so true. lots of "struggling artists" still exist in a lot of illegal loft space, and many very successful artists are still living very cheaply in nice, large illegal lofts because they have lived there for years, beginning when they were once struggling artists. it's just like williamsburg.

Where are the dives? again, not sharing.

Where is the quirky art supply store? oh right, there isn't one, just like in your neighborhood, greenpoint.

Shit, where’s a fucking grocery store? right next door to my apartment building.

i really need to clear something up for the housewives of america

now that my favorite weatherman is in the national public eye, there have been a lot of links to my blog with the google search, "is sam champion married?" okay ladies of the house, i know that sam is a charming, handsome fella with some baby blues that don't stop, but come on. really? you have to ask this question? i don't even think sam hides this fact, but he likes the boys. oh and let me answer another question for you. yes, that is his real name.

okay smartypants, bring it on!

you may remember my post about the dunkin' donuts "fritalian" song from a while ago? well, i just saw that some smartypants left this comment:

Nope. Latte means "milk" in Italian. Only in American English does it mean the espresso infused steamed milk drink of which you speak, thus, the double Ds are correct, as they usually are.

And here is my rebuttal:

dear employee of dunkin' donunts, let me start off by asking you to please never call dunkin donuts, "double Ds," ever again. also, i don't care if the word "latte" is not used with its proper meaning. it still is an italian word which means that the "fritalian" song is still incorrect and that you are ordering in "fritalian," so the "double Ds" are wrong. dunkin donuts should not call their "latte" a "latte" but should call it, as you so nicely phrased it, an "espresso infused steamed milk drink." oh wait, "espresso" is also a "fritalian" word. how about a "super strong shot of coffee infused steamed milk drink?" would you like freedom fries with that?

my name is hazeldove, and i'm a hypochondriac

i think it might be a bad sign when the guy that works the pharmacy counter at duane reade knows you by name.