see you in april!

my blog is reminding of the life of a successful television show. the first month/season was really great, and now, the fourth month/season is starting to really suck. it's time for me to bring on the cute adopted kid, named oliver, to save my blog. anyway, i think that my 10 day reprieve in the land of katherine harris will be good for me. over and out. hazeldove.

das ist gut!

last night i was watching the national news, and there was a segment on the meeting of christian conservatives in washington, d.c. to discuss "the war on christians." anyway, the good news is that the conservative christians are so disillusioned with republicans that they may not vote at all in future elections. zuper duper!

darkpony thinks this is the worst joke ever. oh well!

i really can't think of anything to blog about today, so i'll share this joke with you which i think i made up. i can't remember if i did or not. okay, ready?

q: what does george w. bush see when he takes a shower with laura?

or

q: what does george h.w. bush see when he takes a shower with barbara?

a: bush!

hee hee hee ha ha ha hoo hoo hoo ho ho ho. that's a real knee slapper, eh?

hazeldove's book club, #5

i actually finished this book a couple of weeks ago. the fifth book in my book club is margaret mazzantini's don't move:

rating: pretty, pretty, pretty good
likes: suspenseful, shows inside the mind of a middle-aged man, a female author writing about the mind of a middle-aged man, prostitution, main character despicable yet likable, translated from the italian
dislikes: shows inside the mind of a middle-aged man, depressing, infuriating at times
fact: now a critically acclaimed film starring penelope cruz but did not know it was made into a film when started reading
question: my knowledge of literature is a bit limited, but why does there seem to be much better books out there about the middle-aged man than the middle-aged woman?

i listen to music for the melody

because i can never understand the freakin' lyrics. ever. here are some classic lyrics that i have royally screwed up:

van morrison's brown eyed girl: hey where do we go
hazeldove's brown eyed girl: hey there amigo

the cranberries' linger: you've got me wrapped around your finger
hazeldove's linger: you've got me wrapped around your big brown eyes

now, here is a song i was just listening to on my ipod that i think would benefit from my lyric/song title screw-up:

the 6ths' all dressed up in dreams: i was all dressed up in dreams
hazeldove's all dressed up in dreams: i was all dressed up in jeans

i just want to prepare you

in three days time, i will be heading to jeb bush country for work and to learn how to play bocce ball and will have limited internet access since i don't possess a laptop. i will be gone for 10 days, but i want to make sure that you, my fans, will not forget me. you will never forget me!

today's pet peeve

seriously, if you can walk and read at the same time, then maybe you should breed with others who enjoy walking and reading at the same time to create some sort of super human race. i mean if you are that coordinated, then put that to some good use rather than getting in my way. sheesh.

'Sexiest woman': Scarlett Johansson

here's another question to ponder: what does it mean to have pigeon toe?

something to ponder

so, i can see what words/phrases people search for to link to my site. yesterday, someone got to my site by entering this in google: what does it mean to have camel toe?

good question!

is it cute picture friday already?

you must check out this website that has japanese children's book illustrations from the 1920s and 30s. too cute! i really like the illustrations of industrialization as represented by the steamroller above.

romona who?

oh, you've got to love the local nyc news. last night, there was a brief story, and i mean brief, on the channel 7 news about how romona moore's killers finally were convicted of her murder. who's romona moore? a guyanese immigrant and college student who was tortured in a basement for a week and then murdered in 2003. romona's mother totally called out the nyc police and media as being racist for not giving a you-know-what when her daughter went missing:

The police declined to open a case at first, suggesting to her family that many women her age fail to check in with their families for benign causes. Her family has long said that the police and the news media ignored the disappearance because of her race, and yesterday, after the verdict, Ms. Moore's mother, Elle Carmichael, said: "This was a Hunter College student, a black woman. Racist, it's all racist." (nytimes.com)

here's where it gets good. the story that followed this one on the news was a long story, and i mean long, about the man accused of murdering imette st. guillen (the not-black graduate student) and his arraignment in court yesterday:

"I think someday this case is going to be taught at law school as a particularly special example of forensic testimony," said Charles J. Hynes, the Brooklyn district attorney, at a news conference before Mr. Littlejohn's arraignment.
"New York was Imette's home," she [Imette's sister] said, straining to remain composed as her family stood behind her. "She loved the city and its people, and you have honored her memory with your outpourings of love and support for her and for our family." (nytimes.com)

hmmm... interesting. you were just called out as being racist, channel 7. what are you going to do about it? continue to be racist! jerkbutts.

p d

so, i took a personal day from work today to take care of very important matters. hee hee. anyway, remember when daytime television was really awesome to watch when you stayed home from school as a kid. i would watch weird shows from the 60s and 70s like the courtship of eddie's father and please don't eat the daisies. now, i'm stuck watching the really awful last season of the cosby show. at the moment, claire huxtable is doing something involving cuban and american relations. oy! i'm counting down the minutes until oprah. so sad.

i've got the blogging blahs

let's hope they don't hang around for too long. don't give up on me, yet, fans. i'll be back (said in a terminator voice).

back by popular demand- the garfield moments of my life

i say: there sure are a lot of dudes with yarmulkes at the great american health bar.

garfield says: there sure are a lot of dudes with yarmulkes at the great american health bar eating... kosher lasagna.

my new favorite restaurant for lunch

i just discovered the great american health bar. it's old school diner meets healthy food. everything is vegetarian and kosher- a double whammy. i had delicious soup that came with a thick slice of yummy bread. so healthy! and the cashier gives you your change back in this really dramatic fashion. you've got to love it. also, how 'bout that name?

more on yesterday's cwc walk

check out our 21.6 mile walking route and the list of top ten buildings over at little animals. have you ever made the round trip from midtown to downtown and back twice in one day? i didn't think so. photo montage tk real soon. and building #8, cityspire, really leaves you uninspired. get it?

big giant grrrrr

you all pretty much know how i feel about all of the new development in new york city and its five boroughs. well, here is an article that was in yesterday's ny times that pretty much confirms that nyc is just going to be one big luxury condo. i've really got zero faith in the city's landmark preservation commission. it's all about the benjamins.

another cwc walk completed or incompleted: you decide

i participated in my third cwc walk yesterday. 21.6 miles later, i can barely walk today. of course, our walk was not without some major controversy which darkpony has posted here. check it out. we take these walks quite seriously. scary, eh?

st. patrick's day trauma, #2

then there was that time in college when i was in the library, walking to the study carrells, and i passed some guy wearing a leprechaun hat and having a seizure. what did i do? nothing. i was the only one around, and i did absolutely nothing. i totally panicked. fortunately, some library worker came by and helped him thirty seconds later. i do really feel bad about this one. this is such bad karma. did i mention that he was wearing a leprechaun hat? now, i'm sad.

it's cute picture friday!

darkpony has done it again. his latest blog post is the epitome of cuteness. check it out. too cute! did you know that darkpony's muse is our cat pony p.? he's such a roly poly.

i'd like a memoir with a side of fries

you know how you kind of feel guilty when you read a memoir because you're like, "why am i wasting time reading about this person's life. who cares?" but then you are like, "mia you are sooo right, that woody allen is a perv." well, when i was browsing at a bookstore during lunch i saw that there is a "memoir with recipes" genre. wtf? i won't even stoop to that level. i like to eat and all, but i don't need to read how food has shaped someone else's fat life. lame-o.

note to self

do not accidentally wear all green on st. patrick's day like you did last year. remember what an ass you felt like because people thought you were really into the spirit of the day? sheesh.

sand sculpting: an extreme sport?

that's what i learned yesterday when we went to feed our friends' cat and watched their cable television. 500 channels and all that is on is sand blasters? what an awful show. it's a sand sculpting competiton with a twist- throughout the competition there is a lottery to blow up sand sculptures in progress, challenging the teams to start over with a new sculpture. exciting! i didn't know which team i liked better: grain damaged or sanding ovation. this post truly confirms why i should not have cable tv.

something i would prefer not to see while waiting in line at the post office?

some woman's superman thong. hello, not cute.

why is it important to eat breakfast?

because nothing starts off your day like receiving a few compliments on what you're wearing from complete strangers while hanging out by the toaster in the cafeteria.

do you really want us to feed your cat?

i think most people tell you that it's super cool if you hang out at their apartment when you feed their cat when they're out of town, but then don't really expect you to actually hang out. that's not the case with darkpony and me. if you have cable television, we are there to stay. last night, we went to feed a cat and ended up watching spanglish on hbo. spanglish! we enjoyed watching it at the time, but then felt dirty and ashamed afterwards.

i know that you are all concerned,

but the real hazeldove is okay. her city of springfield, il got hit by some tornadoes, but her house was not touched. phew. thank goodness. i'm more concerned by the story she told me of her friend who is almost 90 years old who was driving hazeldove home the other night in the dark in a storm with her sunglasses on. yikes!

strangers with candy

you know what? people you meet on the internet are a-okay. some of darkpony's acquaintances from the world wide web crashed on our couch this past weekend, and they were actually really cool. who knew?*

*if you are reading this and under 18 years of age, it's still not smart to meet up with strangers from the internet. got it?

warm up, schmarm up

there are two things that darkpony and i despise: celery and p.s.1's warm up. the ny times has an article about the design team who won the competition to transform p.s.1's courtyard into an "urban beach" this summer. that's fine. i like p.s.1 and living in the same neighborhood as it. we even wandered around there yesterday. it's the warm up that happens every saturday in the summer that we hate. warm up was cool to go to like 8 years ago. now, warm up brings a-holes, loud thumping music, and litter to our neighborhood. not cool. i don't think that the people who attend the warm ups would ever visit p.s.1 at any other time of the year to look at the art.

"We see Warm Up in Queens as this great place where similar people with similar backgrounds come together..."

yeah, a-holes.

cute picture friday = shameless plug friday

since i've been hawkin' all of your stuff on my blog, it's time i started thinking about myself. as you may or may not know, darkpony and i, along with another friend, have an independent press, 4N publishing, that publishes children's books. our first book, Lola & Fred, goes on-sale in may. please note that it is only march. i apologize in advance but this is not that last time that you will be hearing about Lola & Fred. believe you me.

shut the f up, georgie

BREAKING NEWS
President Bush says he's concerned about message that reversal of Dubai ports deal sends to U.S. allies, particularly in Middle East. (cnn.com)

oh really, georgie. let's see. i guess using the term "axis of evil" or going to war with iraq didn't send the wrong message "to U.S. allies, particularly in Middle East." i bet that the iraquis are really heartbroken that dubai, the richest country in the freakin' world, is losing out on making even more money. for god's sake, even their atmosphere is air conditioned.

ridiculously ridiculous

i saw on gawker that john travolta is going to play the mother in the upcoming hairspray movie. can anyone explain to me why hairspray is being re-made? the first one was great. what's the point? i hope it's not a movie based on the hit broadway play that was based on the original film. so retarded. i think i might really hate the movie industry.

shameless plugs for friends

my friend, benjamin strong, has written an article for slate.com. check it out here. benjamin says, "Really, this hardly is the best thing I've ever written or anything, in fact kinda dry, and you don't have to read it at all. I just want as many hits as possible, so maybe I can write for Slate again (they pay well, well decently anyway). Help a guy in need." so do as he says!

also, my friend, chris, has an art exhibit in nyc that involves basket weaving and algorithms or something. you should also check this out.

congrats to both benjamin and chris! keep up the good work.

guess what?

tonight is the season finale of project runway, and the season premiere of cycle 6 of america's next top model. my friend has invited me over to watch both since he has cable and high definition television. oh yeah! pinch me 'cuz i must be dreaming.

the midwest is not only behind in fashion trends

today i was talking to my mother on the phone, and she seriously asked me, "what about oprah and that author?" i'm like, "james frey!?! mom!!!!!"

comprehensive walkers club, #2

i participated in my second cwc walk this past sunday from the aquaduct racetrack by jfk airport to the far rockaways. it was pleasant to be out by the ocean, but there is not much to be desired on the far rockaways. where do these people eat? check out darkpony's photo montage of the walk. i like the cwc walks, but i don't know how much longer my old lady knees and hips are going to hold out.

stupid mousepads

with all the advanced computer technology that is out there, why does the average computer mouse still require a piece of foam rubber with a kitten on it in order to function at its best?

hazeldove's book club, book #4

i recently finished visits from the drowned girl by steven sherrill.

rating: pretty, pretty and 1/4 good

likes: raunchy, main character starts out as likable ends as despicable, no redemption, no closure, entertaining, fast read

dislikes: raunchy, too rednecky at times, cruelty to a person of small stature

oprah's too powerful,

and we must stop her. of course, crash won best picture at the oscars thanks to oprah and her "crash moment" at hermes in paris this past summer:

"i don't care if you're closed, hermes. i need to buy a watch for tina turner pronto. omg, i'm sooo having a 'crash moment.' they aren't letting me in because i'm black [ed. note: not because the store is closed and the french don't give a you know what about you.] do you know who i am, hermes? i'm oprah winfrey the biggest star in the united states."*

*some liberties were taken with oprah's dialogue.

clarification

these two fools have no association with the striped shirts & skinny pants blog. please ladies please move onto a new look. god knows you can afford it. i have to buy my clothes secondhand or steal from darkpony's allotted one shelf of clothing. (picture: people.com)

typographical nerd alert

you may want to reserve your t-shirt with this saying now: "i must have looked at 600 fonts, and all i ended up with was american typewriter." for some reason, i totally want to make a snorting laughter sound now.

cute picture friday!

darkpony has provided a super cute link for today's cute picture friday: jumping cats. too cute!

striped and skinny quick vote #4

did you ever record yourself with a tape recorder singing along to duran duran's "wild boys?"

georgie and i just might have one thing in common

i was giving this same look to people with them ashes smudged on their foreheads yesterday.

even more garfield moments of my life

i say: i'm so tired i could sleep at my desk.

garfield says: i'm so tired i could sleep in my... lasagna.

fraudulence

do you think i can sue the work cafeteria for advertising the "festival of cheese", which was more like the "i invited a bunch of people to my party and no one showed up" of cheese? i can't believe i even still eat in that cafeteria since i found a screw in my mixed vegetables. i guess that i'm forgiving. sometimes.

a big thanks

i just want to send out a big thanks to all of those folks that are increasing my blog statistics with the "sasha cohen camel toe" google search. my stats are going to be so through the roof. awesome.

my last ash wednesday post. i promise.

there is nothing like getting blessed and then going out for a little mexican. (witnessed at the burrito box restaurant on 9th ave. btwn 57th & 58th)

third time's a charm

i finally received an undamaged copy of coal miner's daughter, and it was well worth the wait. i think i might love that movie. sissy spacek really is the best actress ever. i also like the fact that the entire film was shot on actual location. i so want to vacation at loretta lynn's ranch in hurricane mills, tennessee and visit the coal miner's daughter museum. check out this story about how loretta lynn's plantation house is haunted. spooky.

my 200th post!

so, i was in the elevator this morning at work and thought to myself, "gee, that guy has got quite a birthmark on his forehead." then, i noticed it was in the shape of a cross, which means that my preparation for ash wednesday was a complete and utter failure. oh well. i tried.