the haunting

i need to confess something that i did in the past which is still haunting me to this day. a few years back i watched every episode of one of the worst and most fake reality shows ever, the restaurant, with that rocco di spirito. unfortunately, i'm still reminded of this nightmare experience on a weekly basis because one of the waiters, topher, lives across the street from me. to make matters worse, i found topher's first (and i assume) last interview online yesterday. topher revealed way too much information about himself, and now, i'm haunted even more. let me share some highlights:

• Our whole family eventually became a troop of clowns -- all but my oldest brother, who was having none of it.... We spent a good solid five years doing that as a business -- twisting animal balloons for money.
• My best friend said, "What have you done so far?" I said, "I accidentally touched her boobs once." So he gave me the rundown. I went up there and [when it came time], I threw up on her in bed.
• Cranking out those meatballs.

help me! i need an exorcism.

it was nice knowing you, worker #3116

my good friend, worker #3116, just got the ultimate shout out in gawker with a link to his corporate-casual blog. i'm smiling for worker #3116 on the outside but crying on the inside.

In Police Rules, Weapons and Drinking Should Not Mix

thanks for clarifying, ny times. i would have thought it was the other way around.

bed, bath, and beyond me

who are these people who are like, "i'm really in the mood for one of those mission style burritos from the bed, bath, and beyond cafe?"

sunday afternoon at the goodwill

if you can afford a pair of uggs, you can afford to not hold up the line while you return that used slurpee maker machine that, surprise, didn't work. you should have to eat your $1.99 for even thinking that it was a good idea to buy a slurpee maker machine at the goodwill in the first place. gross.

actual books that were for sale at the goodwill:
the crepes of wrath
groom with a view
slouching towards kalamazoo
a midsummer night's scream

belated cute picture friday

i apologize for my sparse posting lately, but this thing called a day job is really crampin' my style. i've never been so busy in my current job. i need a blogging sponsor.

anyhoo, this photo here shows the haunches of sweet pony p. check out the bald spot on his rotund stomach. he works daily to keep that area well-manicured. it is probably something we should consult a vet about, but i think that it is five years too late for that. aaah, too cute!

this headline confused me

Will Sly Stone have star role at his Grammys tribute?

for about a minute (until i clicked on the link), i thought to myself, "why would sylvester stallone be honored at the grammys? what does he have to do with music? hold on, did he have a hit song at one time like his acting peers, patrick swayze and eddie murphy?"

darkpony prediction comes true

kind of. the other day the prada store in soho was devastated by a fire, and darkpony made a joke that this tragedy would be related to the 9/11 tragedy. well, here's what was written in the ny times style section today:

IT was only three months after the 9/11 terrorist attacks when Miuccia Prada opened a 23,000-square-foot store at 575 Broadway, defying common retailing wisdom with its architectural extravagance.

Bush: 'No doubt' NSA surveillance is legal

President Bush defended anew his program of warrantless surveillance Thursday, saying "there's no doubt in my mind it is legal."

and there's no doubt in my mind that president bush is a wack-a-doodle.

too tired to blog

i actually had to do some real work today, and that tuckered me out. it's hard to sit all day in an officle crunching numbers. it also seems like not much happened today to comment upon. i am confused about one thing, though. was chris penn 40 or 43? there seems to be conflicting reports on this matter. okay, i'm going to make myself some swiss miss now. do you prefer to call it hot chocolate or hot cocoa? it's like the difference between coke and pepsi, democrats and republicans, cats and dogs, men and women, hot dogs and hamburgers...

love monkey, episode 2: "nice package"

i can't stop watching this show. i'm still confused about the gay friend and if he is out or not. he doesn't really say much. they were talking about a female body part, and he played up that he didn't know where that part was located, so maybe he is out and about. ben folds was a special guest star, and myspace.com was referenced, so you know this show is totally hip. the next episode isn't on for two weeks. i don't know if i can wait that long. i didn't realize this back on january 4th, but i am quite familiar with the next episode of love monkey. the guy from ed sported two different hats, actually caps, this episode. he needs to lose that look pronto.

take cover nyc

thundersnow is coming!

stop. hammer time!

i'm wearing a pair of jeans that i recently purchased on ebay. i thought that they were similar to some i already owned, but when i received them i noticed that they were different. you might say unique. anyway, as the day progresses, i totally am feeling like i'm wearing some hammer pants. not that i would know what that feels like or anything.

is it just me?

i've been restraining since sunday to post this just in case the ny times corrected it in the meantime. this sentence makes no sense and hasn't for three days:

With its singing peddlers, "Thursday Girls" and racial violence, 1940's Harlem was both bleaker and more vibrant than the neighborhood as it is.

i'm here to help

people, when you purchase a longer woolish coat that has a vent/opening in the back, that small stitch that is holding the vent together should be removed before wearing the coat out. the stitch is not a fashion component of the coat. once removed, you may notice that the coat looks better and is a bit easier to walk in. on the same subject, when the same coat has a flimsy little tag on the outer sleeve that tells the brand, fabric, and dry cleaning instructions for said coat, that tag should also be removed. i've seen way too much of this phenomenon this winter, and it's starting to grate on my nerves.

we should have sat at the table in the front

darkpony and i were out at a nice restaurant in our neighborhood the other night and were seated next to these total nightmares. he and i couldn't even talk to each other because we were so enthralled by them. here are some highlights of their conversation:

• big talker guy: i went to see a screening of brokeback mountain at the screen actors guild. you wouldn't believe the kind of people that were there. you know those people that carry those channel thirteen totebags? the canvas ones? don't go see it alone unless you want to make a new friend during the movie. you definitely got to go with a chick.
• big talker guy: have you seen swingers? that is the best movie ever. what? you haven't seen swingers? my christmas present to you is to buy a copy of swingers on your way home.
• big spender guy to 5-year old kid: what are you in the retard class?
• big spender guy to the table: did you try this $450 bordeaux? check out the look on their faces. [side note: yes, it is a nice restaurant, but a not a place you would spend $450 on a bottle of wine]
• big spender guy to his overweight girlfriend: that is the mean waitress, the fat one. [side note: darkpony and i almost choked on our food with this one.]
• big spender guy's girlfriend: oh, the one with the frizzy hair? [referring to the "fat" waitress]
• big talker guy: you wouldn't believe the kind of people that are at disneyland. they're from places like nebraska.

Russia: British used 'rock' to spy

in related news, fake flower on jacket lapel squirts water.

times square is officially square

unfortunately, i never had the opportunity to experience times square when it was dirty and gritty, but there were a few remnants I was still able to enjoy. there was the old howard johnson restaurant that was a flashback to the seventies, there was the colony music store with it's old school neon sign, and there was mchale's bar. the hojo recently closed, and i have to admit the food did suck, but the atmosphere was priceless. the colony music store still exists, but they recently modernized the facade with a new neon sign, and i just read in the ny times yesterday that mchale's closed. mchale's was the only place in the vicinity of times square where you could hide from tourists and get a beer and a decent hamburger. it's all so sad. of course, all new york needs is another luxury condo, and that's what is going to be built in place of the building that housed mchale's. nyc is well on its way of turning into the ugliest city in america once most of the older buildings are demolished for these luxury monstrosities. i really don't think that in fifty years, people are going to find these buildings to be quaint and desirable such as we do with older buildings today, but i assume that they will eventually be torn down to make way for something even worse. i don't even want to imagine what that could be.

stop that thief

remember when i told you that the ny times rips off stories from the big and little people out there? well, i don't think that this story is quite the coincidence that it appears to be, eh?

random fact you didn't need or want to know

as i'm apt to do after watching a movie or tv show, i look up the actors on the imdb to see what their story is, and i often find a few surprises. like this woman who is in love monkey, she used to be married to dennis hopper and is now married to french stewart. wtf?

goats!

every friday, i'm going to share some cuteness with all of my loyal readers. who doesn't like a little cuteness to get the weekend started, and who doesn't love goats? too cute.

more rules that rule

as you already know, i'm a fan of rules. my rules.

for example, there should be some sort of walking test for people who want to live or visit nyc. this test would be even more difficult than a driving test, and you would only pass if you were able to walk at a decent clip, alone or in groups, without getting in the way of other pedestrians.

another rule i would instigate would be for hiring practices at corporations for entry level assistant positions. i wouldn't care if you went to an ivy league school or college at all. that crap prepares you for nothing, especially those who went to cornell. oh snap. if i were the head of human resources, let's say, i would require two tests for getting hired: working a printer and working a copy machine. can you figure out why something isn't printing? perhaps it is a paper jam, lack of paper, you thought you pressed print but didn't, etc. if you are able to figure out these problems and bonus points if you can do it without talking out loud to yourself, you're hired.

happy birthday, dolly

my dear dolly turns 60 today, but she doesn't look a day over 40 thanks to the surgical knife. happy birthday!

god help us

like anyone really gives a you know what, but the 2006 winter olympics are almost here. this means that we will all, unfortunately, be subjected to that stupid roots beret again. this means that we will all, unfortunately, have to see katie couric wearing that stupid roots beret again. yuck.

California home to 27 new species (cnn.com)

which just happen to be the offspring of arnold schwarzenegger and maria shriver. oooh snap.

hey salon.com, i'm the real expert

yesterday, january 17th, salon.com posted an article in their "war room" about dick cheney possibly having the gout. it looks like they needed some "expert" to tell them this: James Putney -- the vice president of a consulting firm in Richmond, a former aide to Republican Sen. George Allen and a gout sufferer himself. i guess that i'm not an expert on the subject because i haven't worked in politics and haven't suffered from the gout myself, eh? well, who posted this 10 days earlier on january 7th? people, i know the gout when i see the gout. dick cheney is such a freakin' glutton. sheesh.

goodbye mcdonald's, hello wendy's- part II

as you know from my previous post, i love me the wendy's 99 cent menu. i even devoured some wendy's goodness today to the sweet cash register cha ching of $2.15, including tax. anyway, the other day i saw a commercial for mcdonald's that said that their 6pc chicken nuggets were going to be on the dollar menu... until the end of this month. how lame. i mean what's the point? oh mcdonald's, are you going to lure me in with the low price and then trick me in february with the higher price? what are you wal-mart? you wish. anyway, i would take wendy's 5pc crispy nuggets anyday over that dark meat 6pc nastiness. boo yah.

super secret confession time

i totally watched that tv show, love monkey, last night. i kept making fun of it to darkpony whenever i saw a commercial for it and kept telling him that i was totally not going to watch it, but i couldn't resist. it must be that charming guy from ed. darkpony and i agree that he has a tiny head, especially for being on tv. it just kind of morphs into his neck. and to make matters worse, he wears some really ugly hats to emphasize his pin head. anyway, here are some highlights from the show even though i know y'all watched it too. oh, did i mention that it so represents the lives of real new yorkers?

• all new yorkers live in a decent sized apartment in manhattan because they all have really well paying jobs that they love.
• new yorkers always take cabs. everywhere.
• new yorkers drink a lot of alcoholic beverages at all different types of bars around the city.
• every group of white new yorkers has one black friend who ain't all gangsta'.
• that former pro-baseball player that the guy from ed is friends with is actually gay- paging mike piazza. (side note:this part was weird. they only showed him at the end during the "going on a date" montage hugging a guy and giving him flowers though the issue wasn't really brought up during the show. so, do his totally heterosexual friends know his secret? i guess i will have to tune in next week.)
• the guy from ed is an a & r rep for a record label and everyone refers to him as "the golden ear." i'm quite well-known for my "eagle eye."
• the guy from ed discovers with his "golden ear" some new talent who is really just a guy lip synching john mayer songs. oh wait, i take that back i was informed by the love monkey website that the new talent is a real talent of his own who happens to sound exactly like john mayer. why do i even know what john mayer sounds like?
• finally, i keep getting the name love monkey confused with our neighbors cat across the hall, monkey face. the guy from ed kind of has a monkey face, eh?
• oh i almost forgot, the guy from ed's best friend is a cute girl, and they should totally be together, but they are only "friends."

poor leif garrett

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Seventies teen idol Leif Garrett was being held without bail after authorities said he was suspected of carrying narcotics and not having a subway ticket. (cnn.com)

I think that it is most embarrassing that he was riding the subway in los angeles of all places. he was such the "soc" in the outsiders but now he is a "greaser." for sure. wow, there were so many hunky pictures of a young leif that i had a really hard time choosing one. i chose this one for its innocence.

Watch: It took 2 injections to execute elderly killer

cnn.com, you are sick and not sick in like it meaning phat or whatever the kids are saying these days. i had a hard enough time watching sean penn get the lethal injection in that movie dead man walking. i would have rather seen sean penn get the lethal injection for i am sam or for another horrible movie that was on tv the other day, she's so lovely. anyway, i'm off track again. yesterday on cnn.com, you could watch a cannibal eat someone alive. it just ain't right. for real, yo.

stolen

that would be my blogging mojo. i think darkpony has stolen it. i told him tonight that i've got blogger's block, and he has already posted two things since he got home from work. he never posts that much. coincidence? i don't think so. i can't even muster up the energy to make this funny. also, the heat is crankin' in our apartment with no way to turn it down. it is seriously 85 degrees in here. the cats think it's summer. sos.

i don't want to "strong"-arm you but...

check this out. our friend, benjamin strong, recently wrote a memoir/essay for a new, cool startup webzine called fanzine. believe you me james frey, he's writing the truth, and he is TUFF without having to make it up. okay, i'm off track. benjamin also writes film, book, and whatever else reviews are out there for the village voice and the believer. darkpony even drew a picture of him here. watch out for this guy.

like "charlie and the chocolate factory?"

Nagin calls for rebuilding 'chocolate' New Orleans

hazeldove's book club, book #2

if you're not familiar with my rating system and all that, click here.

okay, the second book for my book club is strangers by taichi yamada (translated by wayne p. lammers).

rating: pretty, pretty good
likes: japanese, fast-paced, entertaining, suspenseful ghost story
dislikes: lame ending that is a little too "sixth sense", poor translation in parts
recommended japanese books: anything by haruki murakami, out by natsuo kirino

dear diary

so every monday, the ny times publishes the "metropolitan diary" which is as cringeworthy as the personal stories that contestants on jeopardy tell about themselves.

Dear Diary:
After a noontime walk-turned-half-jog in a chilly Central Park, I felt the need for a good stretch. I decided to kick out the kinks while waiting for the light to change at Columbus Circle. Right, left, right, left. After all, I said to myself, this is New York, no one will notice, and people do stranger things. As the light turned green and I stepped off the curb, a woman turned to me and said, "You're hired!"

uh, okay?

Dear Diary:
A variety store in my neighborhood had a sign on its outside wall listing wallpaper, paint and art supplies among its stock. However, the "W" and the "P" were in a color different from the rest of the sign, and had faded to invisibility, leaving passers-by with the unarguable information that "allpaper aint Art Supplies."

omg, hilarious. can you believe that?

Dear Diary:
Recently, I was riding on a subway car that was packed like a tin of sardines. Because I kept getting poked by someone's umbrella, I turned to the guy behind me and said, "Excuse me sir, could you please not poke your umbrella into my side?" Without missing a beat, he exclaimed, "That's not my umbrella!"

okay, i might have made that one up.

gonna party like it's 1875

caption: Bill Morgan paid $150 to be the first customer to legally have a beer at an uptown restaurant since 1875. (source: cnn.com, where else?)

uh, bill, if i were to pay $150 for a beer, i would probably choose a really good beer and request a frosty mug. that's just me, though.

too cute alert

more cute dolls from flickr. check it out.

paper rad, b.j. and da dogs

you've got to check out this crazy book by a friend of darkpony's. you wish you could be this cool. i wish i could be this cool.

thank goodness

Doubts Cloud Plan for Cellphone Service in Subway Stations

an edict (i used a thesaurus) for the businesses of manhattan

it's time that you all list some cross streets with your addresses. i'm tired of having to go to mapquest to find your exact locations. sheesh.

shut up

today i heard some loudmouth on the street proclaim, "THIS is global warming." ummm, no THIS is not, and shut the f up.

if you were born in the 1980s, don't even bother reading

who needs gawker stalker when i can post my celebrity sightings right here on my very own blog, right? by the way, you may think that i'm making some of these up, but i really do possess a real gift for recognizing the most obsure as well as the most famous celebrities.

omg, i was just running an errand over by rockefeller center and saw the girl who played simone on head of the class. she looks exactly the same as in her glory days and still has really long red hair.

in other sightings, i must share this somewhat recent one because it might be the cream of the crop. so, darkpony and i were walking through the park in our neighborhood, and there is this guy with a really long braid eating a sandwich on a park bench in the dark. after circling the bench about three times, i confirmed that it was jake ryan! from sixteen candles. jake ryan! still lookin' fine after all of these years. let me just say that this is my second jake ryan! encounter since living in nyc. he must be stalking me. this time he said, "hey baby, i know that you are turning 16 (x2) this year. let's get together at my parents' house and sit on top of a glass table with a cake with 16 (x2) candles on them. then we will totally make out over the flaming cake. this will happen after you skip your sister's wedding reception, and i pick you up in my porsche which i will be leaning against outside of the church." okay, i made that part up, but i really did see jake ryan!. you can ask darkpony.

i just like to complain about the ny times

so, i just finished reading an article in the current issue of the new yorker which mentioned "indigo kids," and lo and behold there is an article in the ny times today about "indigo kids." is it a mere coincidence, or is it hey that's a good idea for an article? i know it's hard to come up with new story ideas, but the ny times is the worst. one time a co-worker of mine put together a zine (remember those?), and my other co-worker and i wrote articles for it. the zine was then left in various hot spots around the city. anyway, like two weeks later, the ny times had an article which was almost word for word as my co-worker's article. it's totally ridiculous. i don't want to have to say it again, but the ny times sucks. totally.

a million pissed off people

if only we could all get so worked up about another liar in our midst, george bush.

i'm going to party like it's 1976

with my new dorothy hamill haircut. it's all the rage!

name that tune!

darkpony has a name that tune contest over at little animals. i'm totally stumped. he won't even give me, his special ladyfriend, any hints because he likes to be fair. check it out. there's a prize!

breaking news from my mother

January 11, 2006, 10:27am est: hilary swank and chad lowe are getting divorced!

good news and bad news

bad news: i lost my ebay auction last night to some crazy sniper in the last two minutes. frankly, my competition ended up paying way too much for the item. at least that is how i'm consoling my loss.
good news: i just hung my "wacky whiskers" calendar in my officle which grandma hazeldove had bought for darkpony for christmas. those crazy kittens really bring a smile to my face.

Alito fields questions on abortion, executive power

from his wife? (source: cnn.com)

dear chad lowe,

buck up, young buck. we all know that this isn't the worst thing to happen in your life. you've always been playing second fiddle to that beautiful brother, especially in class, of yours. that sex scandal of his must have made you happy, but then he got a second chance with the west wing. but then he screwed that one up big time when he thought that he could go be mr. big shot and have his own tv show called dr. vegas or something.
anyway, let's get back on track. who was this hilary swank before you met her? that's right, trailer trash. you were the bigger star who took her under your wing. when you died of aids on life goes on and then won an emmy, she was being fired from playing steve sanders' girlfriend on 90210. who, other than shannen doherty, gets fired from 90210? a bad actress, not a bad girl, that's who. just because she's won two academy awards for the only two movies she has ever been in means nothing. she only won because she had to play boys in both movies, same with gwyneth in that shakespeare in love, or when jody played that mentally challenged nell. what i'm trying to get at is that the academy awards suck. big time.
hilary is a total wet blanket, right? i knew it, and her teeth are ginormous. my goodness. it looks like you still have that baby soft complexion, so keep moisturizing no matter how depressed you are. you don't want to lose that because of old hil, do you?
okay, i've got to run, but i really hope this letter has cheered you up.

take it easy,
hd

p.s. there are plenty fish in the sea who have no rising stars, so chew on that for a bit.

i'm a bit edgy today

dudes, i'm like totally stressed out. i have this ebay auction ending in about 10 hours, and i am like so worried about being sniped at the end. life is sooo hard.

tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

with all of this recent hubbub about fakes in book publishing (see darkpony's post for all of the details), i wouldn't be surprised if it comes out that the da vinci code is also fake.

buh bump shah! (this represents the sound of a drum)

Caring for her ailing 9-year-old chow has taken over Shanika Stewart's life

can anyone tell me why this is a top story on cnn.com?

in other news, cleaning my cats' litterboxes took up about 15 minutes of my sunday.

just wondering

i wonder how many people without healthcare in the united states could be covered by dick cheney's healthcare costs alone?

today's subway annoyance

hey guy, i bet you're the only one getting off at this stop in midtown during the morning rush hour. good thing you started pushing your way through the car a stop before your stop, or you would have never made it out.

Age ban on Stones fans is lifted

A ban on older fans seeing the Rolling Stones perform at the Super Bowl has been lifted, organisers say.
People over 45 were initially not invited to take to the field and dance during the concert, as the task was considered too physically demanding.

The youngest member of the veteran rock performers is 58, while the band has a combined age of 246. (source: bbc news)

hey i've got an idea. how about if we ban the superbowl, or maybe we should just ban all sports in general? then we wouldn't ever have to be consumed with such retarded issues like the above. who's with me? sports suck! sports suck! sports suck! sports suck! sports suck!, etc.

Cheney walking with cane due to foot problem

who got the gout? who who who who who... (sung to the tune of who let the dogs out?)

Cheney spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride would not give specifics of the vice president's ailing left foot but said it was a recurrence of a condition that was being treated with rest and anti-inflammatory medicine. (source: reuters.com)

my conspiracy theory

today, the ny times posted the second article in a week about how an insane number of tourists are wreaking havoc on our lives. of course, we know that the europeans have been coming in droves due to the weak dollar, but what about all of those hicks from the red states? my conspiracy theory is that george bush has secretly put into action a different currency for the red staters than for us blue staters. yes, i'm talking about confederate money. it's back and it has an awesome exchange rate. i actually believe that mayor bloomberg came up with the overall idea because he is quite the savvy businessman and is always looking for ways to create more revenue for the city.

p.s. right at this moment i'm wearing a really cool tin foil hat!

seriously, star, you need to cut this out

The first time he held me in his arms sexually, it was almost frightening because we knew our erotic interest in each other could take over every other thing," Star writes breathlessly. "We had an intoxicatingly sexual connection the first two months of our relationship."

So volcanic was their lust that they consulted their pastor, who advised them to remain celibate until their wedding.

"It wasn't an easy decision," recalls Star. "Al is a beautiful man. He's got the legs of a stallion. He'd be a perfect Ralph Lauren model."

"One day, we would read in the press that Al was out gallivanting with a bunch of women," Star writes. "The next day, we'd read a story questioning his sexuality. I remember my husband saying to me, 'Baby, what am I today?' And me answering, 'Just who you were yesterday, baby.'" Star tells People magazine, where her book is excerpted, "I don't even deal with that question [of his sexual orientation]. … I know who my husband is." (source: NY Daily News)

dear ms. jones,

did you get my first letter? again, you are doing such great work proving that al is a heterosexual studmuffin.

seriously, keep it up!-
hazeldove

too much information, star jones

On Al's bedroom attire: "About a week later, in bed, I said to him, 'Honey, you have on your T-shirt - are you cold?' And he, whom most people consider to have one of the most gorgeous bodies on the planet - those shoulders - answered me by saying, 'I just don't look as good naked as you do.'"
On her self-loathing: "I'd always decapitate the photos of models or movie stars wearing [beautiful] clothes ... Sometimes, I'd put a photo of my own face on a photograph in place of, say, Catherine Deneuve's."
On Al's passion: "My man - he's passionate ... Al is passionate about some textures - he loves the feel of cashmere."
On how they got through two months of celibate courtship: "Al and I often used dancing as that outlet ... We'd read poetry out loud. When I say to you that this was far more intense lovemaking than any 'wham, bam, thank you ma'am' could ever be, I mean it." (source: page six)

dear star jones,

you have once again proven to me that your husband, al, is totally not gay.

keep up the good work!-

hazeldove

confession time

i just had to get this off my chest (no pun intended). i really like the song, here you come again, by dolly parton, and my favorite line in the song is "looking better than a body has a right to."

don't you sometimes wish you were the lovechild of dolly parton and willie nelson? I do.

so sad

HURTS SO GOOD
EW.com: Sob stories
Eight tragic movie moments that brought us to tears

CG- Thu, Jan 5, 2006 at 11:08 AM EST
In the Dukes of Hazzard there were at least seven or eight scenes where you just *knew* that at least one vintage Dodge Charger had been destroyed to make the scene happen. Definitely brought tears to the eye, leaving as much emotional wreckage as mechanical. I half expected to see a disclaimer at the end saying "No authentic Chargers were harmed in the making of this film" ... but t'was not to be.

who am i to judge?

so, i was at the moma yesterday waiting for a friend, and there was this woman who was 1. sporting a tank top in winter and 2. purposely wearing those new style of earmuffs that are flat and wrap around the back of your head around her upper arm. it looked like she had already check her coat and such in at the coatcheck, so i'm guessing this might be a hot fashion trend in juno, alaska? is this look replacing the barbed wire tattoo?

rabbit roo for sale

i just find it so selfish to keep him for myself when his great qualities should be shared with others. the last couple of days he has been especially endearing by meowing for hours on end in the wee early hours of the morning. really, who needs sleep when you can listen to his beautiful cry? now, i know how ulysses felt when he was lured by the song of the sirens.

3 things that really sucked during my morning commute

1. i had to go out of my way walking from the subway to the office, so i wouldn't interrupt something lame being filmed with paul shaffer and his penis head and the guy who played ed on ed.
2. someone almost ran me over with their car because they were in such a rush to wait in that traffic jam around the corner. the worst part is that i'm the one who comes across looking crazy to other pedestrians as i flip the guy the bird and mutter profanities under my breath.
3. hey lady in the elevator at work, yes we can all hear you talking loudly to your friend, and no i'm not even going to acknowledge you as you try to seek everyone's approval that you said something funny by looking around the elevator and smiling at everyone.

Watch: Husband, 99, and wife, 87, run from wildfire

seriously cnn.com, that's just cruel. i can't watch that. couldn't someone have given them a ride at least? sheesh.

trendwatch 2006

in my circle, i'm considered a bit of a trendsetter. did i mention that this circle consists of some cats and me? oh snap! i snapped myself. anyway, here are some trends i'm predicting that will be in/out in 2006:

in: jitterbugs out: bedbugs
in: ironing out: irony
in: mom jeans out: your self-esteem
in: john deere riding lawnmowers out: wheelchairs
in: excel out: word
in: chinese water torture out: brazilian bikini wax
in: spandau ballet out: pilates
in: frat boys wearing checkered button downs untucked out: frat boys wearing striped button downs untucked
in: carbuncles out: boils

really, this list could go on and on and on...

hmmm....

i was watching the antiques roadshow last night since wife swap wasn't on, and i'm a little bothered by something. the new host of the antiques roadshow, mark walberg (not of the funky bunch), was once the host of temptation island. does this concern anyone else? maybe pbs is trying to reach a new demographic?

every cloud has its silver lining

this entire day has been full of drudgery with not only the delta debacle but also the fact that i have to go to work tomorrow after having two weeks off. i have found a bright spot, though, which is the hungry-man roasted carved turkey meal i just ate. it's like thanksgiving all over again. good stuff can only be had in "over 1lb. of food." and you know how pictures on boxes of food kind of stretch the truth of what's actually inside? well, i'm glad that the roasted carved turkey dinner doesn't match the box. that would mean that the stuffing would have lots of celery, and i hate celery. hence, there is hardly any celery in the actual stuffing. you know, life is pretty good.

delta blues cont.

oy! just heard from darkpony. he is still at jfk airport helping his friend who is supposed to be visiting us get his wife and daughter to california. they have now been bumped from two delta flights and have been at the airport for 12 hours and counting. a whole day of people's vacations let alone lives have been wasted thanks to delta airlines. thank goodness they have been bumped to american airlines. maybe they will get to their final destination tonight. delta said that they couldn't get them on another flight until wednesday. even if delta airlines payed me to fly with them, i wouldn't. below, i've taken it upon myself to edit delta airline's vision statement. it needed a lot of work.

Vision
Since the founding of Delta Air Lines, our company has stood for safe and reliable air transportation, distinctive (crap?) customer service, and hospitality from the heart (butt?). Our vision is for Delta to build on its traditions (lies?) and always to meet our customers' zero expectations while taking service to even higher levels of excellence (shoddiness?). We are a leader (follower?) in a business we hardly know best—airline transportation. We intend to be an even greater (worse?) company and will focus our time, attention, and investment on building that leadership (getting out of this bankruptcy that we filed in september 2005?). We are dedicated to being the best airline in the blind eyes of our customers. We will provide value (?) and distinctive products (skymall?) to our customers, a superior return for investors (did i mention bankruptcy?), and challenging and rewarding work for Delta people, who have agreed to take a pay cut to bail our asses out, in an environment that respects and values their contributions (souls?).

hazeldove's book club

watch out, oprah! i'm hoping this will be a somewhat frequent feature on my blog, though it will depend on how often i finish a book. lately, i've been in a bit of a reading funk but am trying to break out of it. hopefully, my book club will be a major motivator. my book rating system goes as follows:
pretty good
pretty, pretty good
pretty, pretty, pretty good
pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good
if a book really sucks, then i will let you know. usually when that happens, i put the book down and stop wasting my precious time. also, please don't criticize my critique because i have never claimed to be much of a critic. if you have also read the book, let me know your rating based on my rating system.

okay, the inaugural book for my book club is ian mcewan's saturday.
rating: pretty, pretty & 3/4 good
likes: takes place in one day, politically relevant, great brain surgery descriptions, suspenseful
dislikes: a little slow to get through at times, other parts too descriptive and don't necessarily need to be so descriptive
interesting fact: for being a relatively new title, i bought it at the salvation army for $2.
recommended ian mcewan titles: if you haven't read ian mcewan, try enduring love and/or the cement garden first.

delta blues

i'm not even going to get into the details, but we experienced a situation with delta airlines (at jfk airport at least) today, and they suck big time for the following reasons:

1. they are incompetent.
2. they are liars.
3. their #1 rule in customer service is to blame the customer.
   
4. if you aren't flying, they won't even let you in to their terminal to wait with your friends who were bumped from their original flight and now have 6 hours to kill.
5. because of reason #3, you have to go to a terminal where they don't care if you are flying or not to get something to eat and wait. (a shout out to the posh international terminal #1 for the enjoyable food court!)
6. they ignore people who do not speak english as their first language.
7. i hate them and vow to never fly with them again. i suggest you do the same.